everything happens for a reason. if she can just remember that. and continue to live her days without thinking of the ending.her dead end.

if the test was posed to me.
what would my answers be:
colour-black: dark.sombre.bold.
animal-cat: no reason
body of water-ocean: vast.infinite.deep.
white walled room: pure. calm. free.

Death will be calm in its purest form and I'll attain freedom.

when u resume your reading, u tend to resume your writing. it induces your thought process. and I have so much to let out. which explains the sudden surge of overflowing words. maybe I should try writing in a simpler manner.like how a diary should be. but that would defeat why I write in the first place. Its not my place to be deep. Im just vague. and Im good at being ambiguous. but I'll try a different approach anyhows.

I just completed chuck palahniuk's Diary. now Im on to Oblivion. Techno-gadget-gizmo-freak here I come: Now that I juz got my nifty sleek thumbdrive, next on ma list is Ipod shuffle and Panasonic Lumix Black Digicam. everyone's going digital. I would love a digital SLR. but budget constraint keeps ma head down.

if you smoked,does that make u bad? if u drank, does that make u easy? if u club, does that make u wild?well,since they all think ur a Zouk-house-girl, might as well live up to that expectation.

watched Hitch and Closer. I still prefer Alfie becos of its pictorial cinematography. beautiful shots. but Closer had Jude Law on board again. and the angelic Natalie Portman-"lovable but unleavable"; if only a man would say that to u.
He said: "I leave becos Im selfish cos I think I'll be happier with her."
-U think you know what u want but u dont. u always lose her.even when she's rite in front of u. if u'd only give her a chance.but u choose not to. we always run after things we dont need. the Ideal- a euphemism.

let me wake up at the other side of the bridge where I'll be happier. or at least I think I will. a simple love with a complex touch. "you're afraid of me and my love. cos I am.."

WAKE UP! what do I want in Life? a dream career? or to fulfill each day as if its the last? had a talk with ma cousin and she's one of the busiest person I know,everyday's packed with schedules:school,training,coaching,tutoring... and I ask; dont u feel tired having to run around each day? what do u get out of it? she said she'd rather do it while she's young. simply to feel fulfilled. to not waste time. a simple answer. yet amazingly motivating.I would like to teach if u would give me the opportunity to.

he's one of the egoistic alpha-male I've met. he's trying so hard to be different. to be so defensive. to justify everything. to have a rebuttal or a comeback to what u say.
he said: "tell me what's on ur mind. I wont get defensive"
I said: " u wont get defensive?! ur defensive all the time.
him: im not defensive. I justify.
me: there's no need to justify everything. there 's a point in time where ur bound to agree to something dont u?
him: yes. im agreeing to u now.
me: u find opposition in everyting. in fact, ur an opposition by itself.
him: I take that as a compliment.

and u found out why u two couldnt get along. ur both born on the same day.
he's a reflection of u: "u try so hard to be different". he's ur exact mirror. and u couldnt swallow u. u couldnt convince urself, who else will accept u the way u are?

that nite was a lesson learnt. about me, myself and ego-me.